A Little about me!!

Well looks like I finally started the blog I been talking about. So you now you will get to get a glimpse of my life well at least my thoughts. Please do not expect any correct grammar or punctuation. I literally will be typing as the thoughts run through my head and my true feelings. So i will give you details on my life maybe day to day maybe once a week. But this first blog will give you some back on my life so you can kinda understand my thoughts. I think this blog is going to very lengthy but this probably will be the only one that really this long.

Lets begin!

My name is Al'Risha Moon born and raised Lorain, OH. I am a Gemini and an 80's baby youngest of 4 siblings on my mother side and almost middle child on my father side. One thing about as you will learn family means everything to me and I adore my siblings sometimes I always feel like I'm the oldest on both sides. I have the world's greatest son he is 6 years old(OH MY HE WILL BE 7 THIS YEAR UGH) Brandon Jr keeps me sane and the reason I have not gave up on life yet. Both parents still living but they not together so yup typical black kid story. Father not in my life mother a crack addict living pillow to post. I can proudly say that I was one of many that made overcame the odds. No I'm not no superstar nor have a lot of money but I live happily day to day and i want for nothing nor does my family.

* Lets go back in time a little*

After my mother went to prison her oldest daughter(Dee) took me and my older brother(Sam) in and my mother second oldest daughter(Shelffon) got us every summer. Me and Sam lived with Dee for 3 years she took us to see our mother often, I will never forget that 1st visit to prison the 1st time i ever seen my brother cry, that hurt me really bad. Dee had to grow up cause she took on the responsibility to take care of me and Sam. When I say she did that she did that! We never wanted for anything she taught me how to be a woman. I learned how to cook (cause she couldn't lol) wash clothes and day to day house chores which kids should never lack. She made sure me and my brother was never separated and we stuck together.  My favorite word is OHANA cause that was still instilled in my head Ohana means family, and no family gets left behind( but it originally came from Lilo and stitch). My sister made sure that we will always stick together. Now everything was never peachy king with my sister we witnessed things that should never be witnessed or that should never had happen. I guess life happens and you learn from those life experiences. The summers when we went to Kentucky for the summer cause that's where Shelffon and her husband lived. Those summer's were always LIT!!! Shelffon showed us the life that if yo keep working for what you want it can happen this is how you live life. Not saying Dee didn't not but Dee was more business than play. So we finds out that mama dukes is getting outta prison and like any kid they want to go live with their mother, so when she finally got out we moved back with moms and thought everything was everything, cause mom was home it was going to be different since she been clean for 3 years and she going to change her life. Well for a couple months she did we was kinda of normal we lived with Grandma Helen which is my moms mother. But then I will never forget when I was coming down stairs and the bathroom door was cracked and of course I'm noisy cause I hear people talking and i witness my mother and two of her other friends smoke crack, Even though my mother was doing good i heard them pressure her into hitting, saying she wasn't going to get addicted just for old time sakes. Just this one time Van and then after this you wont need it. At that moment I knew it was over I knew I lost my mother to drugs again that life will never be the same again. So i stayed up under my grandmother cause she was getting sick and had Alzheimer. Then my mother's oldest brother stepped up and took me and my brother in so for a couple years we lived with him. So yea soon or later after going from family member to family member my mother ended up getting her shit together and as of today she have been clean for 12 years it will be 13 his year in July. 

*fast forward to meeting my ex*

When it comes to my life the hardest part to talk about it my life with my son's father. Cause I really never had a father figure and i think getting with him and by him being older than me he was the imagine in my eye.  Okay background on this relationship I lied to him since we 1st met. Yea the story I tell everyone on how we meet made the fuck up lol..I meet him on a chatline over the phone. I was talking to him for 4 years before he finally got to meet the real me. I am very melaninated female like very dark and at the time I did not like the way i looked i wanted to be pretty like everyone else. I was always made fun of because of my skin. So at that moment I was able to be anyone I wanted to be and I really did not expect us to talk for as long as we did. So we finally meet he finally and we didn't meet until i turned 19 yeah I was only 16 when we 1st started talking. Even though he found out about me he still stayed. So after that we ended up living together and things was great then our 1st fight was more than just words. He was physical and I was even choked out. We threw clothes and personal items out the window. From that day I should of left but he said he loved me he didn't mean to get that mad he don't wanna put his hands on me but I get him that mad. Time goes on lost my job and we ended up moving with his mother and he just turned into a monster but I loved him one night we was playing the game on a computer and out of nowhere he flipped threw me and the dog outside in the middle of the night I didn't haven't nothing but a bag of clothes and a dog.  I was scared to call my family and i went back cause by that time his mother came home so i knew i could get back in the house. The next day i went to my moms and i stayed there for a while and then he emails me telling me how he missed me, so then i was going back and forth from his moms to my moms then i ended up pregnant. The worst 9 months ever in my life. It's not that I didn't want my son it was just I was alone. Then when it was time to push he was there and he talked me into naming my son after him. I regret that to this day. Yea i have done my dirt to this man I slept with other man I even use to talk to other females but he pushed so far from him emotionally I was just scared to leave him i was scared of him. So for the last couple years of our relationship the fights gotten worse the disrespect was at an all time high. But who know what love is when they never experienced love so I just knew the man who whispered in my ear that he loved me and that he will never hurt me again and that I shouldn't make him this mad. After the beaten in front of his daughter and my son and they witnessed it I knew that day I will never fuck with him or ever love him again, I hated this man until a couple months I still hated this man. I was always said that my life was written by Tyler perry cause i felt like i was living in a movie. I had a gun point to my head got hit with the bottom of gun, yea and still try to make it work it was time for me and my son to separate. This part of my life is always hard to still without tears running down my eyes because for a man that loved me and will never let know one harm me or protect me from the world was the only one hurting me. I devoted my life to this man i go without just to make sure he went with. I put over my own family I distance myself from my mother and everyone.. But Feb 1st 2016 was the day I promised I will never feel the way he I did ever. I will never stay with a man who talked down on me and beat me. Since that day I never been so happy.  

*Now the hard part is over, lets get to know the new life 

I still hurt from the past sometimes i still think there is red flags and there is not but i have been scarred for life. It as gotten better cause I have the most amazing man in my life. So after the last fight we had i finally had the courage and say fuck this nigga and pack his shit and move the fuck on. So the church across from my house i been going there now for like a year. Honestly I was not looking for any man anybody nothing i just wanted to regain me back, i wanted to be happy.  By this time i pretty much new the church and everyone in it broke out my little shell and started fellow shipping more getting active in the church. I ended up exchanging number Keenan cause he had nieces who attended dance practice and was willing to help bring them on Saturdays. I randomly was on snap chat one day and you can add people by numbers and of course he popped up so I added him not thinking nothing of it. I watched him snap ever so often and I seen a snap one time and one Sunday after church i had brought it up we laughed about it and kept it moving, again still no interest in the guy. Then we started chatting on snap the it started becoming flirty,so me being me i ended up texting him and we was texting every so often about nothing. Then when we started texting my grandfather was dying of cancer. So not only am I going through a heartbreak of 11 years i'm losing a my grandfather i feel like the world is just all on back like i wanna break down but i havent broke down yet. I hit one day just for conversation it was the day before the funeral I just needed to talk to someone outside of all the chaos. Since that day we been talking everyday, there was not a moment that we was talking from the time i wake up to the time i fall asleep. We expressed early in the conversation that we just needed an outlet, he was going through a divorce and had his own baggage and I had mine so lets just have someone we can trust and tell all our problems too and someone I can have relations with. Hey I am human and i need physical actions sometimes so we agreed we was friends with benefits we had someone to fuck on the regular and someone to talk to. That was our relation for a while. we was both in denial on how much we really liked each other and there was plenty of times I will text him and be like yeah i cant keep doing this I want more but I'm scared and I know you not ready so lets just fall back for a while. Yea that lasted maybe 16hrs cause we was texting and talking again and we even started talking about having kids and marriage. So yea lets just say from the day we meet was in a relationship haha but the day my bestie meet him at our church fish fry and his mama found out we was like yea we together so our anniversary is June 4th. So he ended up taking me and my son to Disney World and that changed my life forever me and my son had the best time his family treated me like they knew me forever. So once we got back I stayed at his house everyday and we just decided to move in together and since i was month to month I moved with him. We been rollin since and it's funny how life works out. When I say this man is made just for me he is for me. I love him as if i knew him my whole life, he knows everything i dont have to hide nothing and i can be myself with him. Yea even talking about him and our story brings tears to my eyes to but they are joyful tears cause i never been this happy in my life. We had a bump in our relationship because i ended up pregnant, was we in a place to have a child no but we talked about it and we had a plan on how we would raise this angel. I was 2months when i found out and we knew it was going to happen not like we was using protection. So I went to my 1st appt and heard heartbeat and all at this point i'm super excited and then the dr comes in and tells me we have to term this baby cause the egg was planted in my ovaries and there was no way I could keep the baby. Well i instantly chuckled because when we 1st started talking we played 100 question where i just asked 100 random question one of the question was if i was pregnant and the dr told you it was either me or the baby but not both who would you choose, he his reply was that not a fair question but it depends on the situation and look the situation just had to come up well as you see im blogging now. That just hit me so hard cause even though i was not ready and we barely knew each other but it just felt right. Everything about him felt right so having his kid i knew we was all going to happy. I went into depression and still to this day it hurts, cause why?  But we talked and he as been there for me since. I really cant thank this man enough for what he brought me through, he really does not understand the impact he as on my life and how he helps me get through the life. He as became my protector my counselor my provider my everything. This man I have open my mind to things i never thought of or thought of doing. He helped me again me back the person i was trying to find by myself, it took him to enter my life and bring Risha back to Risha. Yea my sons gives me so much motivation but this man makes me grind for endless life adventures I wish i could explain it but he bring the creativeness the eager learning out of me I LOVE IT.  One day we will get married that seems like that's all i end up talking about but in reality i just want to be under him so not married or not he will forever be my forever and i would change that couldn't no one change that he has my heart forever and it was one of the most grateful feeling ever. 

*Why am I here now on Blogger*

Even though life is great for some reason i can always find a way to be angry, i dont know what triggers this depression or anger and i want to get it under control.  What triggers my anger and why how can i prevent this. So what is blogging for? To write out my day to day problems to help others who might be going through the same things, so another hobby besides watching tv. I can express myself, i hope yall enjoy the readings and able to learn a thing a two from me.  I know this is the lengthy 1st post but if yall reading this and read means something and just know there is more to come on my craziness and maybe someone out there will be able to help me with this as well. 

 Hotep!

Risha